My intention of creating this blog is simply to express myself. To accurately articulate my innermost thoughts and feelings. Previously blocked by fear of judgement, I am here to give away what I have held on to for so long so I can move on to live out my souls intentions.
What I desire most at this stage in my life is…the self control and confidence to explore my inner world on paper and to share it with the world without the fear of judgement. I have typically in my past not been much of an intimately expressive person. I have feared expression of my true self for as long as I can remember. Not to put blame on anyone other than myself but I believe it stems from my early life at home. My father was deeply wounded himself as a Vietnam war veteran sorting through his own issues and I don’t remember ever expressing any true part of me and it being received with love. Only criticism and dismissiveness so naturally I learned to put my inner self away when other people are around. I now have the drive and the ability to heal my childhood wounds now that I am an adult and to let that light inside of me to finally shine. I am on a mission to put into words with clarity the complexity and at the same time simplicity of what it’s like in my mind because I’m sure it’s all relatable. We all have internal demons we struggle with and I am willing to openly share mine in hopes of lessening the stigma of being our true selves. I am here to dig deep, work tirelessly to find the words I have to share and the courage to share them.
I used to write frequently and feel inspired to get back to it. When I get the urge to write, I often feel like the thoughts race too fast for me to capture on paper and half of what I want to express is a feeling which needs to be put into words and this all happens with a sense of urgency. I frequently think that this is a moment in time that I want to be able to caputre into words so that I can revisit it after my mind forgets- I want to have the words to bring me back to this very moment so I can feel it again. I want to capture the beauty of this life because as ugly, messy, painful and repetitive as it can be, it truly is incredible how such small moments can fill our hearts with immense joy. I realize those are the moments to stop and simply enjoy- those are moments that are a reminder of who we truly are in a given moment. Its moments with my children that fill my heart with incredible joy that makes it feel like my heart could leap out of my chest at any moment so if I can capture it, ill be able to keep it. Other times I have an internal mind battle that I wish I could share so after writing it I can then give it away. A gift of sorts to the greater consciousness, a contribution.
Im here simply to share. Im not telling anyone what to do or how to feel, I am simply putting out what has been inside for so long so I can move on and up.
Mother Nature’s House 